PREWD'S PRUNINGS

Being those portions of the Mousehold Press book 'Prewd and Prejudice' deemed too long, short, irrelevant, irregular, or downright irreverent for inclusion in the original publication.

  MARCH 1904

  March, March, March, March,

Booting up and down again.

25 March, Friday

Today begins my self-imposed exile in this most remote part of His Majesty's great Empire.  It is said that the sun never sets on the Empire,  In this dull, overcast little place it seems as though the sun has never risen.

(regarding the death of her husband)

He was discovered on the top of a number 89 tram wearing only a lady's corset and without a mark on him - other than those caused by the straightlacing.  Inquiries into his activities brought to light a number of facts embarrassing to the government, and still not in the public domain, the relevant papers having been mysteriously lost.

26 March, Saturday

(regarding the Old Toll House)

Sid Kipper, Maud's great-nephew, still lives in the village.  He claims that the whole scheme, known as the East Coast Bauble, was set up by an ancestor of his, Gentleman Jack Kipper, a local highwayman.

Sid      Gentleman Jack reckoned the reason he weren't doing very well at the highwaymanning was there weren't no decent roads hereabouts.  So he tried to get this one built so as he'd have some new people to hold up, 'cos the local people was getting fed up with being robbed every other day.  They had a great campaign in the Trunch Trumpet about how that would bring prosperity to the area and all that.  It didn't, of course.  All it brought to the area was a load of blokes who wanted to dig everything up.  Anyhow, there was so many hold-ups on the job that there were none left for Gentleman Jack.

29 March, Tuesday

Sid      Aunt Maud reckoned old Prewd was a real city person - daft as a brush.  She didn't know our ways, see, so she was always getting into musundertakings about what was going on.  She was a terrible snob, too.  And Mrs Prewd was even worse, by all accounts.

Maud Kipper never married, though she certainly didn't lack suitors.  There seems to have been some hint of a scandal regarding her, but Sid is unusually reticent on the subject:

If I knew anything about it I'd say I didn't, so I aren't saying nothing.  If I said anything that'd only be to say I didn't know anything, even if I did.  So I won't.

St Just's has been sadly neglected by historians and antiquarians alike.  The present vicar, the Rev Derek Bream, is the sort of man who, rightly or wrongly, cares more about the people of the church than it's fabric, and declares himself no expert on the building.  I can find no mention of it in any reference book of the present day.  The compilers of the Doomsday book seem to have missed the parish altogether.  Indeed, the only possible mention I have found is in Cobbler's 'Rural Rides', where the following brief passage appears:

"Today I rode the lovely route from Cromer to North Walsham. passing through South Repps and Trunch.  As I left the latter, having lunched well at the Crown, I saw across the fields a church tower which promised much.  However, dinner at North Walsham promised more, so I rode by on the other side."

30 March, Wednesday

(regarding Rev Mullett and fallen women)

He would travel far and wide to find them, and then spend a great deal of time on them.  When he was sure that they could fall no more he would subscribe to send them to the colonies to make a fresh start.  He passed away, many years later, during a tour of the colonies, where he was revisiting some of his past triumphs.