A DAY IN THE LIFE OF SID KIPPER

In early 2000 'the journal', a magazine distributed around Sheringham, Holt and Cromer, asked Sid to write about a day in his life.  Whether he did or not is nor precisely clear, but somehow the following appeared.

Dawn: Got home, hung the pheasants (even though they were already dead), and went to bed.

Midday:  Got up.  Had omelette for breakfast because mother said she'd broken some eggs and you can't do that without making one.   Started to think about doing a day in the life of.  Should it be a busy day or a quiet one?  A busy one would be more interesting, but then I'd be too busy to write about it.  On the other hand on a quiet day I'd have plenty of time to write, but nothing to say.  Made a firm decision to think about it later.

Later:  Went to the Old Goat Inn and had a think but still couldn't decide.  If this had been a busy day this sort of problem wouldn't have bothered me, because my time would be taken up preparing for some major performance, or writing one of my acclaimed books, or recording an album or some such.  Asked Cyril Cockle what he thought, but he said he didn't think anything, which only confirmed what I already suspected.  Went home again.

Tea time: Checked pheasants - they were still dead.  Mother served tea, which was ratatouille made with fresh rats.  Asked her what she thought.  She said she thought Widow Hake was no better than she ought to be, and did I know what Farmer Trout had been up to with Mrs Dace in the top field?  Had to admit I didn't, but when I asked her what he had been up to she said she wasn't one to gossip.

Evening:  Back to the Old Goat Inn.  Ernie Spratt asked what I'd been doing all day, and I told him nothing.  It's always best to tell Ernie nothing, because if you tell him something he'll tell everybody else, but he'll get it all wrong, and before you know it her husband will come looking for you.

Closing time:  Got down to some serious drinking, and the next thing I know it's dawn again, and I'm back home with more dead pheasants to hang.   Went to sleep having definitely decided what to do.  Tomorrow I'll definitely ring up and say I'm not going to do a day in the life of.