SEWING

A woman is expected to be good at needle work.  It don't mean she have to like it.   So if needle work get on your tips here are some hints to make life easier.

1        Some women like doing needle work, although if you ask me they must be a bit soft in the head.  So there's no harm if you swap your things that need mending for theirs what don't.  Just change them when they hang their washing out.  I mean, if they like it so much they'll be only too glad to have some more to do.  But always swap clean for clean.  It's only decent.

2        Holes in a man's socks can be mended with bits of old newspaper, just so long as you persuade him to keep his boots on.  In my experience that's the best policy anyway, holes or not.  Although I do let him take his hat off in bed in summer.

3        A stitch in time only saves nine if you was going to do the nine anyway.  Otherwise it's a stitch too far.

4        You can knit a string vest quicker than a jumper.  If you get it dyed and call it crotchet you might get away with it.

5        Start a sewing circle.  Then bring in the idea that when the music stops everyone has to pass their work on one to the left.  Don't bother doing anything with what you get.  (Some people say you should pass the work to the right instead, but they're just ignorant, and probably think it's bad luck to walk into a ladder).

If none of that work, do what I do and sulk.