The Infected Collier  

(At first thought one might not associate Norfolk with mining, but think again.  Some of the oldest mines in England are in the south of the county, where flint mines still exist - although the market is poor just now.  Coal mining was less common - in fact this song is the only evidence of its existence.)

Oh what's the matter with you me lass, and where's your Johnny dashing?

The ambulance has come for him, for he's got something catching.

Now he's off to the hospital with those white-coated fellers;

We asked them what his chances were, but the doctor wouldn't tell us.

The very sight of his decay, it set us all a-crying,

And he, he nearly fainted twice, I thought that he was dying.

My mother told me not to fret, I'd not help with hysteria;

But the doctor said he'd kissed the book, and now he's caught diphtheria.

As I walked o'er the stubble field I wondered what I might wear

To go to Johnny's funeral, but that was just a nightmare;

He cut the very coal we burn, and when the fuel I'm fetching

I think of the lumps upon his hands - and the doctor says they're catching.

When Johnny talks about the wards I can't bear to be near him;

Besides, he's gone and lost his voice, so I can hardly hear him.

Diarrhoea or gonorrhoea, he says they're sure to nurse him,

But then he falls and cracks his skull, and the doctor says he's worsening.

So stop his heart, and then it's o'er, his flame of life unkindle.

Then I'll be free of all my vows - and the doctor says he's single!

Copyright Chris Sugden 1991