INTRODUCTION TO FOLK MUSIC

As you may know, I'm an international folk singing multi-instrumental megostar.  Well, now I'm actually a qualified international folk singing, multi-instrumental megostar.  I'm Sid Kipper COF - that stands for Cerstificate Of Folking  (they were going to make it Folking Cerstificate, but then people would think you were a Football Club).

I did a course at the Scole School of Thick-no-music-ology.  It wasn't full time.  It was one of them courses where you spend most of your time on the practicals, and fit the study in between - what they call an intercourse.

I'll tell you a bit about it, and if you pay attention you'll never need a workshop again, and you can go to folk festivals and enjoy yourself instead.

For instants, there are three families of instruments - String, Wind & Concussion.  The easy way to remember them is this:  String - as in "someone string up that banjo player";  Wind - as in "someone blow up that piper";  and Concussion - as in "don't bother, I'll thump the bodhran player myself".

But I also learned about the two most important things in folk music - bums and titties!  You probably know a bit about them already.  Most of the time you get 1 bum to 1 titty.  For instance, the tune of Gorleston Town goes 'bum titty, bum titty, bum titty, bum titty, bum titty, bum titty, bum, bum, bum' (I'm not sure about that last bit.  I was away day they did 3 bums.  There's probably a European titty mountain somewhere).

Now some people think you should always use proper technical musical terms, like 'four by four', or 'Allegro 1•6', but not in folk.  In folk it's all bums and titties.

Some people say why have instruments at all?  Proper old folk singers like myself never used to bother.  And the answer is that unaccompanied singing is too hard for a lot of people.  Because in the old songs different verses have different numbers of words.  So you have to bend the words to fit tune, & vice-Vera.  Otherwise you'd have some words or notes left over.  A lot of people can't do that, so they play the guitar to cover gaps.  And that's where you get folk scene from.

Which leads to Folkies, who are an odd lot.  To hear them sing you'd think they were obsessed with sex & death.  But to look at them you'd think they were obsessed with food & drink.  I reckon they're just obsessed.

Anyhow, that's all I'm giving away for nothing.  The rest you'll have to learn the hard way by practicing.  Then, one day, you may be perfect, like me.