The Trunch Trumpet

February 2008

2008 sees Sid not so much resting on his laurels as carefully pruning them, checking for pests, and giving them a damned good mulch.  While continuing to maintain and update his existing shows, he is also hard at work on a new one, provisionally entitled 'Mud & Pullets'.

"Well, it's based on my ancestor 'Gentleman' Jack Kipper's famous ride from Lynn to Mundesley in 1826, and that's mostly what he'd have seen on the way.  He was a notorious highwayman, because he rode a horse.  If he'd been on foot he'd have been a footpad.  You got promoted by being a horse thief."

The show will follow in 'Gentleman''s hoofprints along what is now known as the Trans-Norfolk Highway or, more dully, the B1145.  Packed with songs and stories relevant to the route and the ride, audiences will be transported to another time and place.

"Well, they won't be as transported as far Gentleman Jack was.  He was transported all the way to Australia."

Fascinating facts, tantalising traditions and galloping gossip will keep everyone entertained as they see all the sights and hear all the history from the comfort of their virtual coach.

"I read how in North Elmham 'a large fair for cattle, sheep, and swine, was held yearly'?  People didn't half look after their stock in them days!"

The show will be available in the second half of 2008, and Trumpet readers will be the very first to know more.

"Well, I reckon I'll be the first, actually.  Because I know more already!"

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April 13th sees Sid teaming up again with his erstwhile Partner In Crime Dave Burland, for a gala performance of In Season.  As the Trumpet goes to press other guests are being lined up.  The show, in aid of Leeds Intensive Care Unit, will be at the Raggalds Inn, high in the Pennines above Bradford (for directions get a child to go to www.raggalds.com/location).  Details and tickets from 01535 606939.

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Old sores from St Just - number 31

There is no news of on-the-run George Kipper, Sid's somewhat wayward uncle.

"Well, you know what they say - they say 'No news is good news'.  So that's good news, then, isn't it?"

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What they've said about Sid's new album, 'In Season'

"Sid rides again in a merciless satire of that oldest of folk chestnuts. The Wheeling Year.  The old rogue really does turn up trumps in a sure-fire whelter of quips, groaners, puns and one-liners, all drawn-out in that slow, quiet, broad Norfolk dialect.

"I really do not like so-called comedy albums, because they aren't half as good as the performances live.  But Sid makes me laugh like a drain.  When you think that he's been in the business for absolute ages and he must dry up, Sid invents humour all over again.  He's inspirational and he's very, very funny.  The tracks only give the slightest indication of what's in store: Moo Cows Poo, Bed and Bawd, On Wedlock, Edge, The Whaleman's Complaint, Turkey In The Door, The Winterton Wassup Song and So Tearfully Round.  Sid even tries a bit of rap for once and the trouble is that he makes it work."

Mick Tems, Taplas.

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Once again Sid will be gracing various Festivals in 2008.  These include Glasson, Cromer Pier, Chester, Sidmouth, Whitby and Swanage.  Next year he is hoping to move inland.

"Well, I've no objection to ports and seaside towns, but they do tend to be rather low, if you take my meaning.  Or even if you don't.  I mean, just 'cos I'm from Norfolk doesn't mean I'm afraid of heights."

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October 2007

Just after the previous edition of the Trumpet went to press, including an announcement that Sid would not be appearing at Whitby Folk Week, said Folk Week - alarmed at the possible bad publicity - reversed its decision.  Thus Sid was able to launch his new Christmas show - A Kipper Country Christmas - four months early.

"It went down a threat.  Some of the women were so carried away with the Christmas spirit they kissed me under the mistletoe.  I'll wear it higher next time."

The event included the first outing in many years of a ditty from Three Hammer Common in Norfolk, 'Hell's Bells', the chorus of which goes:

Oh, jingle hell, jingle hell, jingle all the way,

Look here come the morris men to dance their festive hay, they

Jingle hell, jingle hell, jingle all the way,

Look here come the morris men, to dance on Boxing Day.

The next performances of the show will be in Kings Lynn and Norwich on November 30th and December 1st respectively.

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Prior to these Sid will be giving his first solo performance at the refurbished Pavilion Theatre in Gorleston.  With ample parking and sea air, well-stocked bar and handsome interior, it promises to be an excellent evening for Mr Kipper to be In Season.

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The Tower Arts Centre in Winchester has been a happy hunting ground for Sid over the years, but that may all be coming to an end.  Should any Trumpet readers wish to register a protest at its proposed closure they can add their name to a petition at:

http://savetowerarts.bloggspot.com//

"Mind you, they were always asking for trouble holding concerts in a water tower.  It means everyone in Winchester has to have a bath before they can go ahead."

Sid will perform a shortened version of A Kipper Country Christmas there on December 8th.

Visit tourdate for details of all Sid's bookings..

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Old sores from St Just - number 30

"You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, but you can make a nourishing soup of it."

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Sid's innocent uncle continues to evade Interpol's finest, having recently led them a merry dance in Argentina.

"Well, George is a master of disguise, so they never realised it was him.  Not even when the music stopped and they went back to his place for coffee."

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What they've said about Sid's new album,

'In Season'

"Songs and seasonal links full of wily wordplay and inspired connections.  Surreal, yet strangely familiar."

(BBC Radio 2 website)

"Another winner.  Listen and laugh."

(Eastern Daily Press)

"Sid Kipper, Trunch's finest son, has produced a tour de force.  The usual health and safety caveat goes with this CD - don't play it whilst driving, as you'll be likely to crash the car through laughing too much."

(Living Tradition magazine)

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Some Trumpet readers have noted that Sid is appearing at a number of private functions this autumn.  These are not, as some have suggested, occasions when he performs explicit material, unavailable elsewhere, or appears semi-clad.  They are generally events where Sid is booked to entertain groups of people who have gathered for some purpose or other.

"It's like when I went 'Adult Only' swimming at North Walsham.  I was the only one who thought it meant nude bathing.  But they could have told me before I got into the pool."

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June 2007

Sid's first album for four years is now available to delight the discerning listener.  Further details can be found in later columns, but suffice it to say that glowing reviews are eagerly anticipated.

  "Well, it might suffice you, but I'm not so easily sufficed.  For a start, I hope there's going to be more than one listener.  And then, I mean, who knows - now I'm a podcasting, headlining, web-siting mego-star (among other things), maybe it'll even get played on the-programme-known-as-Mike-Harding on Radio 2!"

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This year Sid has appeared at a number of morris dance festivals - Whittlesea Straw Bear, Rochester Sweeps, and Hastings Jack In The Green.  He would like to make it clear that this is not a career move and, despite being an honorary member of The Witchmen, a border morris side, this is mainly because he mistakenly believed that the border concerned was the one between Norfolk and Suffolk.  He is, however, more than happy to share his considerable knowledge of the history of morris dance with any audience prepared to come up with the requisite fee.

  "Of course, morris dancing was first found in Norfolk, although why it was hid there nobody knows.  Cecil Sharphouse come across it in the village of Brampton, but he was very forgetful, so when he read his notes back he thought they said Bampton, which isn't in Norfolk at all, but somewhere called Oxon.  And that's just the tip of my morris dancing iceberg."

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As the summer approaches Sid is preparing for appearances at a few more festivals, namely Lincoln, Handley, Ely and Towersey.  Perhaps it is his reputation for spreading sunshine that makes him such a festival perennial.  

  "Well, they want to make sure it doesn't rain on their parade!"

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Old sores from St Just - number 29 - "Presence makes the heart go yonder."

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George Kipper, who, Sid still insists, didn't do it, nevertheless remains at large only because his whereabouts are unknown to the authorities.  The appearance a stranger wearing a sombrero in St Just-near-Trunch may or may not be connected.

  "Well, of course it's connected.  If it wasn't connected he couldn't wear it, could he?"

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Looking ahead, with benefit of foresight, at the end of the year Sid will be touring A Kipper Country Christmas.  Here is the blurb:

  For your delight Sid Kipper, icon and iconoclast, pulls out the plums of his Yuletide repertoire, sticks bits of holly on them, drenches them in brandy and sets them ablaze.  By their light he looks back at rural winters when snowflakes glistened, frosty winds made moan, and it really was deep and crisp and even.  "It was cold, but fair.  Well, even the rich couldn't light a fire with a little boy up their chimney, could they?"

Present times are not ignored, and the show has tips for those new to rural life, culled from Sid's recent Channel4 podcast series 'The Kipper Country Code'.  This is sprinkled over seasonal songs, stories, rhymes and reason, with the odd musical instrument and - this being Christmas - nuts.  "Nuts are very important at Christmas - along with breast, legs, stockings, crackers, and stuffing."

Along the way Carol is sung, Belle's told, and Sherry is trifled with.  There's turkey talked, pies minced, and sausages rolled.  In short, Yule is comprehensively logged in a thoroughly entertaining fashion.

  "Well, that's all very well, but you try thinking up Christmas stuff when the sun is beating down and the mods and rockers are beating up!  Most people only have to suffer Christmas once a year!"

The Trunch Trumpet

February 2007

Sid is currently hard at it in the studio, working on a new album, provisionally entitled 'In Season'.  It will take the listener through the rural year, with a gem of a song for every month, all mounted in a tasteful setting by Augustus Swineherd, the Trunch Laureate.

The currently anticipated track list is:

New Year         Love Divining

January            Willing To Woo

February          By The Cobblers

March               Moo Cows Poo

April                  Bed and Bawd

May                  Rue-the-day

June                 On Wedlock Edge

July                   The Whaleman's Complaint

August              The Festive Harvestall

September      Arrivederci Cromer

October            The Three Sisters

November       A Larling Lullaby

December       Turkey In The Door

Old Year          The Winterton Wassup Song

Outroduction    So Tearfully Round

To match that stunning line-up, Swineherd has dipped his pen in liquid gold to provide prose of equal quality:

"Look - on the eve of the year a young maid contemplates her conjugal consequences.  Who, or whom, will she wed?  Can she perceive the pert protuberances of the perfect partner?  Will there be an ugly duckling, morphed miraculously into a sensuous swan?  Or will fate furnish nothing but a ruddy duck?  Does the future hold true love, or will it butterfingeringly drop it, to shatter, along with her dreams?  For love is all around - but lovers are a far more tantalising shape."

No release date has yet been set, but there is every intent that it will be available by the second half of the year.  Watch this space for further information.

"Now that really rile me when they do that.  They say 'Watch this space', then they never leave a space for you to watch.  So why do they say it?  It's like when they say 'Listen to the silence.  I mean, if it's silent, how can you listen to it?  And how come when they say 'Smell the coffee' they never give you any?  I reckon we're all going to Hull in a handbag!"

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Old sores from St Just - number 28

"You can't fit a quartet in a piss pot."

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Despite his current South-American sojourn, George Kipper, through intermediaries, has managed to send Sid a new song - Moo Cows Poo.  This is a guide to country life for city people, and therefore couched in suitably simple terms:

Come to the country,

where the merry milk maids live,

See the cheeky sparrow

and the sparrow-hawk too;

Swoop, squawk, oh dear,

the sparrow's not so cheeky now,

Out in the country where the moo cows poo.

Moo cows poo, just like you,

Out in the country where the moo cows poo.

There is no news of George's imminent return.

"Well, he's got a price on his head, so as he's got his head screwed on and he's not headstrong, he won't be heading home for a while."

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Rumours of a Christmas Special of Sid's Channel 4 Radio show The Kipper Country Code proved to be false, although we believed them enough to make sure Sid had a script!  The other six shows are still available at www.channel4radio.com as we go to press.

"That would have been a sort of baker's half-dozen - plus half a loaf.  But it's certainly not better than no bread."

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As a patron of The Assist Trust Sid was delighted to do a Christmas show for their staff, friends and families at the Lazar House in Norwich.  The Trumpet would like to send Sid's thanks to them all for their hospitality, but more importantly for the fantastic work they do with people in Norfolk with learning difficulties.

To find out more about the Assist Trust go to www.assisttrust.pagehere.com - or drop a line to Sid's merchandising address.

"I patronised them for about an hour and a half, and when I'd finished you could see they were done to a turn.  I hope it helps them keep up their good works."

The Trunch Trumpet

October 2006

The Trumpet's many Norfolk readers will have noticed that Sid is playing a number of home matches this season.

Having already entertained the crowds at the Reedham Ferry Folk Festival in September, in October he will be adding his fourpennyworth to Should The Team Think at Gorleston, and popping up among Keith Skipper, Tony Hall and others on Cromer pier.

But those wishing to get the full Sid Kipper experience should get themselves to the Maddermarket in Norwich or the Arts Centre in Kings Lynn, where he will be back in one-man mode for his current hit show 'Sid Kipper - In Season' on the 6th and 7th of October.

Or slip over the border in November and join our Suffolk cousins for more of the same at the New Cut Arts Centre in Halesworth on the 18th.

Finally, the lucky few will be able to round off their year by making the pilgrimage to Trunch for Christmas Cod Pieces on December 16th.

"Each one will be a night to remember.  Except the Gorleston one, of course.  But only because it's in the afternoon."

 GIG LIST

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Meanwhile, at the cutting edge, Sid continues to produce high-class podcasts for Channel 4 Radio.  If you haven't tried the Kipper Country Code yet, you really should.  They're available at www.channel4radio.com - select 'comedy'.  If you're not on the internet, or unsure what to do, why not get a child to download them onto CD for you?

"That's what my great-nephew Kerry Kipper did for me - now all I need is a CD player.  Anyone can listen, although really it's for people moving to the country who don't have the sense not to pee on an electric fence."

WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT THE KIPPER COUNTRY CODE

"This has to be one of the funniest things I've heard in ages! Can't wait till there's more to download. Keep em coming."

"Sid is a Norfolk legend, he should have a preservation order on him by the Parish council and be available on the NHS!"

"Wondrous - the spirit of Stanshall lives on!"

"The latest episode is pure brilliance. Sid Kipper is an unrivalled genius. Thanks C4 Radio for introducing me to this rural renaissance man."

MORE

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In the next eight months Sid will be presenting at least six of his seven live shows.   Each contains a mix of songs, stories, wit and wisdom, with choruses to sing and much hilarity to be had.  Lest readers have become confused by his prodigious output, here is a brief summary of all seven:

In Season - the latest success, in which Sid takes his audience through the year, ancient and modern, with seasonal songs and customs.

Features - examples of given underwear and a sweetcorn dolly.

Kipperfield to Kipperling - stories and songs which establish the tentative link between David Kipperfield and Sid's diminutive second-cousin, Rudyard Kipperling.

Features - classic readings such as Bunfight at the OK Chorale and The Song Of Boadikippa.

Vaughan Williams Stole My Folk Song - considerably updated, with all you never wanted know about folk song and dance, plus many examples of the good, the bad, and the downright indifferent.

Features - the fiddle, the cor andia, and the English bore-on.

Christmas Cod Pieces - the Christmas season in carols and choruses, from the beginning of Advert to Children-in-need-of-a-clip-round-the-ear Day, via much talking turkey.

Features - handbells, coconuts, and the Trunch blow-pipes.

Kipper Fillets - the latest, greatest and ornatest of Sid's material, all in one handy package, which is simple to get into, easily digested, and fully recyclable.

Features - a bit of everything and something for all.

Cod and Ships - a virtual cruise round the Norfolk coast, with mermaids, mutiny, maroonings and mackerel.

Features - scallops, the saw, and the anglo-saxophone.

Country Cod Pieces - a tour of Sid's native village of St Just-near-Trunch, where we see the sights, meet the locals, and hear the history.

Features - visit Cleo Lane, Glenn Close and Hughie Green.

All these shows are updated and refreshed on a regular basis - as is their presenter.

SHOWS

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The Trunch Trumpet is delighted to be the first to print a major new work by the Trunch laureate, Augustus Swineherd.   It was specially commissioned for

The Kipper Country Code, and read there by the Rev Derek Bream.

The Story Of Oh To Be In England,

Oh to loiter in leafy lanes,

where the chiff-chaff chaffs and chiffs,

and the nuthatch nestles on its nuts.

Oh to tiptoe through the tulips,

where the green woods laugh out loud,

far away from the bustle and the bright city lights.

Oh, to be in England,

where those feet walked in ancient time,

in England's pleasant pastures green.

Oh to walk on the wild side,

with the mad March hair and the crazy frog,

left alone with the right to roam.

Oh to float on high o'er vales and hills,

in the land of lost content.

Oh, and then to take my rest,

honest earned,

and know that there is honey still for tea,

and all is well with the weird.

© Chris Sugden 2006, for some reason.

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George Kipper, 'the Scarlet Runner', continues to be sought here, there and everywhere.  But wherever they seek him, he's always elsewhere.  He seems, in fact, to be nowhere.

"Well that's daft.  I mean, everybody's got to be somewhere.  Knowing George he's probably underwhere!"

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Mr Kipper has been asked to comment on the furore started recently by a Norwich MP's remarks about inbreeding in Norfolk.  He has issued the following statement via the North Norfolk News and Agitator:

"What's so wrong with inbreeding?  I mean, outbreeding is all very well in the summer, when it's warm and dry.  And I dare say there's a few young women round our way who can tell a hay stack from a straw stack without looking round.  But in my experience they're not so enthusiastic when its cold and damp.  Then it's inbreeding or nothing."

Mr Kipper will issue no further statements on the matter - unless he does.

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Sid's new Folk-Hop number, Rue-The-Day has been causing a stir around the land.  Fans have been impressed at the way he has taken to the style like a duck to water.

"Well, you know what they say.  They say you can take a duck to water, but you can't make it sink.  Some people think the song is down and dirty, but I reckon it's more up and dirty."

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Old sores from St Just - number 27

"It takes one to bongo."

The Trunch Trumpet

June 2006

Ever at the cutting edge, Sid was delighted to be asked recently to make a series of 'radio' programmes to help launch the all new Channel 4 Radio.  For the next few months one programme per month will be available from www.channel4radio.com - select 'comedy'.

'The Kipper Country Code' sets out to introduce country ways to all those townies currently contemplating moving to the countryside.  June's programme, already live, offers 30 minutes of advice on the subject of Food.

The programmes are free to receive once you register with the site (it asks for all sorts of information, but it seems you need only actually provide a name and pseudonym, and you could make those up).  In fact so new is the whole thing that precise details of how it works have yet to reach us, but no doubt Trumpet readers will more than capable of working it out.  Further instructions will be posted in the News section of Sid's website when we have them.

The series includes practical tips, rural lore, and a host of rustic ditties.  Sid is joined by Rev 'Call-Me Derek' Bream, who delivers his Thought For The Day Before Yesterday each time.

The programmes are recorded in the countryside, with all the attendant sounds of bird song, cultivation and dirt track racing you would expect.

"Well, it seem a bit peculiar to me to be making wireless programmes that aren't actually on the wireless.  Still, I suppose if this interweb thing is going to catch on I might as well be part of it.  So do what the police say you shouldn't, and have a go.  And, if you've got any, tell a friend".

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Sid's new touring show, 'In Season', has been triumphantly launched, and is currently bobbing contentedly at anchor, awaiting its next cruise in the autumn.

During the show a year flies by, as Sid evokes each season with songs and stories, wisdom and wit, mild and bitter.  Farm and cottage, old and new, are brought to life between your very ears.  And, of course, the birds, and the bees, do what birds and bees must do.

"So, if the birds are birds, then am I a bee?"

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Old sores from St Just - number 26

"A cat may look at a queen,

but it should look out for corgis".

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The last copies of The Ballad Of Sid Kipper, Sid's first song book, have now been sold, so the biography from that book has been put on Sid's website:

Sid's biography

Copies of Sid's second songbook, Man Of Convictions, are freely available.

"Well, they are available, but they're not free!"

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George Kipper, 'The man they couldn't hang on to', continues to enjoy his freedom somewhere south of the Mexican border.  Is it just co-incidence that his arrival in the region came at the same time as the rise of various 'peoples' movements'?  Or could it be that George's previous involvement with the Union Of Sweedbashers And Allied Trades has born unexpected fruit?  These are the questions.

"Well, this here is the answer.  George never had nothing to do with USBAT, except supplying catering for their annual Gaga, where they marched through the lanes while he sold them beefbuggers, which are a local tradition I won't go into.  Nor won't they go into me, due to me knowing the ingredients.  So, if George is involved with people's movements, it's probably due to food poisoning."

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Sid, in collaboration with his nephew Kevin, has decided to bring folk music up to date.  To this end they have taken a 'bog-standard' folk song, and added a groovy rhythm and extra lyrics to create the ultra-cool Rue-The-Day.