Jack Onion

Jack Onion appears on the Sid Kipper album Like A Rhinestone Ploughboy

Jack Onion, was the King's own fiddler,

He could fiddle any tune you can name:

Airs and waltzes, and the ones with the diddly bits

And they all came out the same.

When he played he could break your heart,

He could scare the birds into the trees;

He would play your favourite tunes,

Despite your loudest pleas.

In the Great Hall, all the Ladies and Lords,

Gathered for a big do,

Jack Onion came to play for them,

Though no-one asked him to.

He played so long, so loud and strong,

The very air itself was cleft;

They were all moved, clean out of the room,

Except the King's own daughter deaf.

Her eyes were blue, her lips were red,

Her hair was of the darkest black;

It tumbled down to her milk-white shoulder,

But she caught it and put it back.

"Oh", she cried, "When I watch you fiddle

Each part and movement I adore;

You must come and perform with me,

The finest piece ever scored."

So late that night he went to her room,

After her maids had left her all alone;

What a sight met Jack Onion's eyes -

She wore nothing but a sousaphone.

How they played, for the whole of the night,

Such music as no-one ever knew;

Like a demon he fiddled in and out

While the Princess puffed and blew.

Then, out cried the King's daughter deaf;

"I think I feel the cock to crow.

If my father should find you here

He'd see you were well hung, I know".

As she spoke the door flew wide

And there in his night-mail stood the King;

Crying "Jack Onion, you must forfeit your life,

Or stop that awful din.

Jack Onion jumped up to his knees

Crying "Grant me nought but mine own life;

I ask no more, except perhaps some land,

And - oh yes - your daughter for my wife".

"For your boldness you may keep your life,

And have my own deaf daughter dear.

And I will grant you your own estates,

A long, long way from here".

Now Jack Onion is a noble Lord,

With servants all at his command.

And often he fiddles with the King's dear daughter,

As she sits on his right hand.

Copyright Chris Sugden 1991