Queensbury Rules

Queensbury Rules, OK

Queensbury Rules OK appears on Sid's album East Side Story

A story I'll sing and a song I will tell

Of two of the finest fist fighters;

Lord Cedric Smythe was a bit of a swell,

Fred Cod was a scruffy young blighter.

Now Fred he was rough, and Cedric was tough,

And both were but partially baked;

And so they were matched for some fine fisticuffs,

With the Lonsdale Braces at stake.

They met one fine morning at Fakenham fair;

They argued in Aylsham one night;

They rowed after lunch in Watton town square,

But they'd never got into a fight.

Till the day they were matched for a purse that was huge,

Which wasn't so much, as you'll hear;

For all that it held was a small IOU,

And 'twas made from a hundred sows' ears.

"You must strip to the waist", the referee said,

And the ladies all cried out "Hello!"

For Fred wasn't clear on the rules to be played,

So he stripped to the waist from below.

Before very long they stood in the ring,

The referee bid them shake hands.

And then they shook legs, the crowd all joined in,

And a fine hokey cokey began.

The best of all order was slowly restored,

And the order was "Both come out smiting";

So round one began, the crowd they all roared,

Then they ripped - it was rip-roaring fighting.

For round after round they danced round the ring

Till it seemed they'd been always in situ;

"Was there ever such sport", Lord Cedric did sing,

Said Fred "Just stand still while I hit you".

Lord Cedric was getting on top of his man,

Which breaks every rule as we know it;

He gave Fred a belt that should have been banned,

So Fred promptly hit him below it.

The Lord was laid out, Fred was all set to win -

That blow it must surely decide it.

But then Cedric's second he threw the towel in,

With a blooming great brick wrapped inside it.

That brick it flew high, that brick it flew wide,

That brick it flew handsome I'd say;

Clean out of the ring that brick would have flied -

If Fred hadn't been in the way.

So now these two fighters lay flat on the deck

More like the dead than the quick.

The referee puzzled, then thought 'what the heck?',

And awarded the fight to the brick.

And sing out Hurrah! sing out Hurray!

They may have been stupid,

But still they were brave.