The Sailor In Diss Dress

The Sailor In Diss Dress

This nautical narrative, set in the docks of Great Yarmouth (so great they named it Great) is one of many known as 'Jack ashore' songs, where the hapless sailor is taken advantage of by the wily locals. So much for travel being educational.

The Sailor In Distress appears on Sid's album East Side Story

Now hear me wail my woeful tale, of painful education;

How I got hurt by a dockside flirt, who'd nothing in moderation.

She said you are a bold Jack Tar, which took me quite aback, then;

How'd she know Ma and Mr Tar had christened their son Jack then?

Now I've just come from sea, says me, my purse is packed with plunder.

When she heard that she grinned like a rat and said well now I wonder,

Perhaps you'd care my bed to share and spend a night of passion?

Says I, Aye aye, I'd like to try, for I've been on short rations.

But first, she say, a jest we'll play if you'll oblige me, maybe;

If you put on my petticoats we'll dress you like a lady.

I soon agreed because, you see, you must remember this, sir;

To promenade dressed like a maid is my idea of bliss, sir.

For it's all very fine on a ship of the line to show your manly powers,

But you have to hide your gentle side and interest in pressed flowers.

So I got in her crinoline, the rest was not forgotten;

And when I passed the looking glass I fancied myself rotten.

Now we went round Great Yarmouth town, I danced with all the sailors;

And my night was made when I got engaged to a big Norwegian whaler.

Well all went fine until such time as my old tank was full, sir;

For I couldn't clear my pumping gear for satin, silk and wool, sir.

So there was I with me skirts held high, not thinking of flirtation,

When that way came my fiancée, demanding consummation!

Well it's no fun to have to run when you're bursting for relief, sir,

And not so soft with your dress ripped off by a lecherous whaler's teeth, sir.

I managed to cling to my underthings as I sped down Regent Street, sir,

Where I was proffered a number of offers by half the bloody fleet, sir.

That dockside tart she broke my heart, and left me in this mess, now;

She stole my purse, but what was worse - I miss that lovely dress, now.