THE MOURNING AFTER

THE MOURNING AFTER

It was Boxing Day morning when Father Christmas arrived home from his sell-out world tour. First he stabled his reindeer - Doner, Kebab, Blitzkrieg, and Randolph, the red-faced reindeer. And well might he be red-faced, after what he did down that chimney in Malborough. Put the fire right out. Didn't do much for the sherry, either.

Then Father Christmas was reunited with Mother Christmas.

"And where were you", she said, "When all the work needed doing on? Out all night, and then you come sneaking home stinking of sherry. Never mind me and the little Christmases. All year long you hang around the place like a spare brick at a barbeque, and then when the real work starts you're off gallivanting with them smelly animals. And as for the elves - well if one more elf offers me little but often I'll scream. In fact I might just scream anyhow."

"Ho, ho, ho", said Father Christmas, who was tired, but jolly.

"Don't you 'Ho, ho, ho' me", she said. "When I want gardening advice I'll ask someone who knows something about it. What I want to know from you is why there's nothing in your children's stockings."

And there beside her stood the little Christmases, Carol and Nöel, their eyes red, holding their empty stockings. "Oh dear, oh dear", said Father Christmas. "I've given all the toys away. But not to worry. I'll speak to Lofty."

"Sorry mate", said Lofty the Elf. "We're off now till New Year. Don't you know it's Christmas?"

"Well can't you make me a doll and a train set? It needn't even wet itself. Nor need the doll, come to that."

"Like to help you", said Lofty, "Like to help you. But rules is rules. Where'd we be without them, eh?"

"Well, we'd be out of the dog house, that's where. Haven't we got anything in stock?"

"Best I can do mate is a pea and a bean. Would you like them wrapped?"

Soon Carol and Nöel eagerly unwrapped their presents. They knew their father had only pretended to forget them as a jolly jape. And they played with the pea and the bean as best they could. And when they tired of that, they swapped them over, and had a whole load of new fun.

"Now", said Mother Christmas, "I'm sure you haven't forgotten my present".

But he had. He didn't say that, because it was quite a small doghouse, and he didn't want to be stuffed in it forcefully. He considered throwing himself on her mercy - but then he remembered she didn't have any. So back he went to Lofty.

"Well, mate, you've already had me last legumes. The only thing I've got left is the little present I was going to give my Lucretia when I see her after the holidays. I could replace it by then, I suppose. And it is ready wrapped. Mind you, it'll cost."

And it did. Because when Mother Christmas opened it, and found out just what little present Lofty had chosen for his Lucretia - well, the doghouse was the very least of it. Of course, between elves dried reindeer dung is considered a most acceptable gift. But Mother Christmas didn't see it that way. So he was forced to flee - and he's still fleeing now. And that's why he has to go round in disguise.

And the moral of the story is this - while good things may come in small packages, not all small packages contain good things. As you'll discover when you get your credit card bill in January.

From the storytelling of Sid Kipper.