The Stack of Domies

This old farm labourer was sitting behind the barn, playing with his domies, when the farmer come round the corner and caught him.  "Best you get off my farm", he say, "Unless you've got a blooming good explanation for slacking in my time".

And the old boy looked at him sort of gone out, and he said "Well you see, boss, it's like this.  These here domies, they aren't really domies at all, but my farm bible.  I lay them out, and as I lay them out they remind me what needs doing around the farm".

"Come off it", say the farmer, "Pull the other one, it's got teats on it".  But the old boy just started laying out the domies again, and as he did so he told the farmer this:

"The double six remind me of the two sixes I hit in the cricket match against Knapton, and that remind me of the grass of the cricket pitch, and then I remember that the grass need mowing in the top meadow, so I go and do it.

"The double five remind me of the two bunches of fives I got off Cyril Cockle in the Old Gate Inn last muck spreading, and that remind me that I couldn't eat nothing but slops for a week, and I remember to stop for the dinner my missus made.

"The double four remind me that two fours are eight, and I ate my dinner already, when I got a peckish while I was dipping the sheep, and that remind me to go and inseminate them.

"The double three remind me that thirty three is my old wife's chest measurement, and that remind me of them two hillocks over by Trimingham, and that remind me that the hedges need trimming, and that remind me that I left my old billhook by them two mounds of compost in the yard, and that remind me of my old wife's chest again, so I go and milk the cows.

"The double two remind me that tutus are worn by women ballet dancers, and that remind me that men ballet dancers wear tight tights, and I remember to go and casterate the piglets.

"The double one remind me of my shot out in the darts match at the Wareners Arms in Antingham, and that remind me of rabbits, and that remind me of you and your missus and sixteen children, and I go and drown the new kittens.

"So as you can see", say the old boy, "I'm not wasting my time with these here domies - I'm playing with them for you".

And the old farmer say "I misjudged you, and I'm sorry.  When I caught you playing with them domies I thought you was just a no good layabout, but now I see you're not just that - you're a rotten liar and all.  And that remind me of all the other times I've caught you slacking.  And that remind me to tell you to collect your domies and get off my farm".

And when the old boy had gone, leaving the farmer alone with a warm sort of a glow, he started toying with his own domies.  And he turned one over, and it was a double blank, and that reminded him of bugger all, so he took the rest of the day off!

Copyright Chris Sugden, 1991