To the editor of the Trunch Trumpet.

From Herbert Hancock, 17 Graeme Gardens, St Just-near-Trunch.

Dear Sir,

As a relative newcomer to the village I'm sure you would like to hear my thoughts on one or two local matters.  I flatter myself that my extensive experience of the world, gained from my many years as a chartered accountant, plus my more recent interest in Scottish dancing, taken up in retirement, allows me to take a wider view of certain matters than those whose horizons are, frankly, somewhat provincial.  So I am only too happy join in village life by 'offering a few pointers'.

So I shall 'grasp the nettle' with both hands, and raise an issue which I know is on many of the more decent minds in the village, that being the prices charged in the village shop.  I am aware, of course, that it is not easy to run a small business in the current economic climate, but I was shocked to see the other day, as I drove past the shop on my way to the supermarket in North Walsham, that the prices so carefully painted up in the shop window (an old fashioned touch much appreciated by many of us) were, frankly, 'over the top'.  It may suit the proprietress to believe that we are not aware of the proper price of cream crackers, but I can assure her that some of us are very much 'on the ball' on this one.  I, for one, will not be patronising her establishment until I see more reasonable prices, thank you very much.

Another matter which you might like to address is tractors.  Correct me if I am wrong, which I am not, but is not the proper place for such a machine a field?  Now, I am prepared to accept that when it is in its proper place a tractor may actually be a useful implement for farmers and such types.  It follows then, 'as night follows day', that the proper place for a tractor is not in Jim Dale, a road which many of us are forced to use to get out of the village.  Yet I am perpetually being held up and forced to drive as slow as 30 miles per hour when using this vital thoroughfare by one of these ugly, dirty eyesores.  Surely the very least their owners could do, if they must persist in driving them around the village to no apparent purpose, is to wash them first.  Observing the rear of the tractors hereabouts, as I have been forced to do only too often, I must conclude that some of them have never even heard of a bucket of soapy water and a sponge.  Let alone an air freshener.

Finally, am I the only one troubled by the persistence of children in the village?  I have no idea where they come from, but the same ones are forever hanging around and 'getting up to no good'.  Only the other day, while walking my wife's poodles along Cleo Lane, two of them wilfully refused to cross to the other pavement when it must have been obvious to them that such highly strung animals would be made unnecessarily nervous by their presence.  Then, 'to add insult to injury', when I remonstrated with them for their lack of courtesy I am almost certain that one of them called me 'Baldy' under his breath.  I am, as you may judge, a man of the world, but this, surely, is beyond the pale.  However, I did not descend to their level by calling them, as I might justifiably have done, 'Shorty' and 'Scruffy' respectively, but treated them with the contempt they deserved by giving them a cold stare and walking on.  I hope that now I have started the ball rolling in this matter your more responsible readers will help 'keep up the good work' by following my lead.

Should you wish for any more helpful observations I would be only too happy to 'come up with something';

Yours etc.